questions (him again)

Look at me! Who am I? How am I any different than you? Look at all these people! We're all hoping our lives have a meaning and a purpose, we're all trying to chase our dreams. How do I know that I'm gonna be that one in a million? How do I know I'm gonna make it?
and while I'm chasing my dream, which way to go? We're constantly at a crossroad, constantly gambling; that's the beauty and the tragedy in it. Nobody knows the right way to go, you just go.
but is that all? there is nothing that depends on me?
No, that's not all, but that's how the selection is done. You must keep moving even when you feel lost. Even when you feel you've ran out of luck. Even when you fall.
Most people stop and turn around. Most people quit chasing their dreams.
Why?
Sometimes I find myself shivering. I'm cold and I'm hungry or thirsty. I'm alone and scared on a road taking me to some foreign place. I'm gonna spend the night in a different bed, again.
Or maybe, I'm just going home full of scars and with no money. I feel cornered by fear in a dark narrow crack, shriveled up from shivering, small and insignificant like a spider ready to be crushed under the oblivious foot of fate.
In the same time, others are laughing in a cozy, safe, familiar environment.
From time to time I come home and hide under my blanket to cry. Rocking back and forth in a fetal position, I let feelings overwhelm me and I let it all out, because I can't keep carrying all this baggage. Once I'm done you'll find me on the road again.
What is my dream? To have the bravery to be free. To walk in the rain, to march trough the blizzard, to carry on under the scorching sun. Not to settle. To find another place for my baggage when my parents die and their house is demolished, or just learn to carry it around. But never, NEVER abandon the race against myself. Even if it means to become a solitary wanderer.
In order to have everything, you must give up everything else.
I just hope that you are the one ready to follow me until the end of the galaxy and beyond because my horizon is so damn far.
I want to have the courage not to be a cubicle little robot, the guy across the street who just bought a mini van and stuff like that. I wanna be abnormal. I wanna chase my dream and have the guts to end this life when I see fit. Maybe jump off a roof, maybe cut my wrists.
No god, no boss, no nagging wife, just me and the road.
hopefully, just us and the road.

I wish you are the home that I've been longing for. The loving arms to take away all the pain. but what do I offer in return? Am I good enough for you?
No matter what, I love you forever.
Don't you give up YOUR dreams! not even for me.


me